This year though, I reach an important milestone and have made a decision to get serious with where I am heading. I have invested in an invaluable tool to help me organise and prioritise, namely the Rituals for Living Dreambook and Planner. I love the simplicity and elegance of it and the way it gets me envisioning my ideal life.
This is what I need, something to keep me focussed by breaking down the bigger goals into bite size pieces.
This is a year for deep inner work on the scars that won't heal, finding how they affect me, my family and friends and my life choices.
2015 seemed to start well, I had mapped out my 12 month plan which seemed to be developing as I'd hoped However, towards the later end of the year I was dealt some serious emotional blows and I suffered a number of heart wrenching losses, one after the other.
Feeling like my healing journey had been set back I allowed myself to sink deeper into old habits, self sabotage and spiritual neglect. Projecting externally the person others believed I was, whilst inside I felt I was unravelling slowly.
There has been a turning point, a rude awakening as it were. Someone that I had the good fortune to meet this past year sent me such a lovely message, even though I see this person most days, they felt a less confrontational and more indirect approach was better. They had noticed the grey cloud over me, they waited for me to open up. When I failed to do so they made that move, offered me support, gave me a compassionate ear and a shoulder to lean on.
That was when the realisation hit me, that even though the souls we are closely connected to, that have passed from this life have left a void, there are other souls still on this plane of existence that can build new places in our hearts. For everyone I've lost this year, I have gained others, and for these new connections, I need to be present. I need to keep growing.
So today is the first day of 2016 and the first day of a focused, determined me. To work on the wounds that every so often, break open, to recognise that I have a support network that can help me grow.
My first daily draw for 2016 was a very poignant one and came from a deck that I surprised myself by actually falling a little bit in love with. I am open about my dislike of sugar coated decks, and the oracle/tarot market saturation by this person, however the Fairy Tarot by Doreen Virtue and Radleigh Valentine is my chosen deck for myself at the moment. I feel I'm in a place that needs some TLC and gentle persuasion, and this deck gives me that.
It may not last for long, but for now it is exactly what I need.
So today I asked what energy is around me and drew The Star, the second card is 'because' and I drew The Chariot.
Looking at these cards tells my energy is one of optimism and hope, that there is healing happening because I have taken the reins of my life's direction.
What better way to start the year?