Right Here, Right Now

Fairy Lights Tarot by Lucia Mattioli

I love my tarot cards, each and every one.  Today I asked my deck to show me the card for this post as I was a bit lost on what to write (this is what happens when you take time away, it's difficult to get back into your stride).

Well my beloved and slightly bedraggled Fairy Lights Tarot was up for the quest.  It gave my the 6 of Wands.

Wow, it really knew what it wanted me to blog about, and I say thank you to it.

I've been away from  my blog for a while as I explained in my previous post, lost in books.  I just needed to get some stillness in my life, as things were starting to snowball a bit with family and health.  I felt I was having to be in two places at once and between family commitments and tarot reading commitments I was finding my time was very much spoken for.  

Modern living (not that I'm complaining) seems so good at finding ways to take that precious spare time and just zap it.  It starts with the checking of emails, then a quick look at my favourite websites.  Before you know it I've been lost in cyber world for over an hour.

T.V has the same effect.  Stopping us in our tracks and numbing the tick of the clock. Thus I decided, I needed to reclaim my precious time.  I no longer have a television.  I have written out a list of books that I have been wanting to read and made a specific order in which I am going to read them.

The biggest change though is that I am actively meditating twice every day, something that 'I didn't have time for' before.  My meditations were always crammed in to a spare 10 minutes whenever I could remember, and were never fulfilling. 

So the last month has been a bit of a retreat for me and the 6 of Wands here shows a woman, so still that she has taken root to the earth, she is connected and growing as part of it.  As she is transforming, becoming one with everything around her, all other things continue to go about their business.  She stands, present in the moment, yet still in her self.  

This is what the last month has been for me.  removing myself from the stuff that has been eating away my time, the stuff that in the true reality if things is not what is truly important.  It will pass, it will be gone from existence yet what remains is the now.  The calm peaceful stillness of now.  And I am enjoying life so much more.

  

Shusssssssh!

I feel like a neglectful momma, my absence as been duly noted and dealt with.

I sort of got lost in my backlog of 'books I really had to buy as I really want to read them'.  I have a habit of going through my wish list and buying books, that although may look good on my bookshelf, were actually bought to read.  So I have had a literary-fest and have been losing myself in my books.

It is surprising to find that books I have on my Amazon wish list are actually sitting on my shelf at home (I know, I am a hoarder).  This tells me I have a problem and really need to get my bookshelves organised and possibly data based.  
I admit to having two 6 foot high bookcases, with every shelf at least two books deep of books that I own.  

My taste in reading is so varied that I could probably use section makers like Waterstones do.  Alas I just pile them wherever I happen to find a space and so have a jumble of titles, authors and subjects as varied as Oscar Wilde right through to Darren Shan.  I have Idiot's guides through to Richard Dawkins, Terry Pratchett to HH The Dalai Lama.  

I hate to admit that I also have boxes of books in my loft, under my bed and in my spare room.  But I just cannot bare to get rid of books.  Some I must admit I have passed on to charity shops, jumble sales, friends and family, but only the books I have little interest in or have not enjoyed.  I still have my collection of Enid Blyton's Famous Five books somewhere.  

So I have been in hibernation with my books, and as the days get warmer I will be found in my garden with a book in my hand and my dogs by my side and a cup of capuccino. 

By this time next year I may have even got through one shelf of books if I am lucky enough to have the time, as there is always tarot to distract me from my wordy friends......  Oh, and don't get me started about my Kindle.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible (well, when I finish the chapter I'm reading).

If You Go Down To The Woods Today

A time away from the pressures of the modern world and all of its stresses can be a welcome retreat.

Like The Hermit in tarot, solitude can bring about personal insights and clarification that we can lose sight of when we are bombarded with the technological input of everyday life.

Away from external influences and responsibilities, we have the opportunity to quiet the noise and mental babble and really tune in and listen to what is going on internally.

Connecting with nature and with nothing but ourselves, it can be a time of laying to rest some of the issues that we struggle with. 

Getting back to nature, for me, is a spiritual experience too, to look at what Mother Earth has created from nothing but her own resources, never fails to amaze me.  When I am alone with nothing but the elements it puts life into perspective, in the grand scheme of things we as beings are just a fleeting moment in time, and yet the connection with everything is so strong. 

Finding peace and quiet, the inner voice has the strength to be heard clearly and listened to with full attention.  We can shed light on many things that can feel pushed to one side in the hurly burly of daily routine.  

Not everyone feels comfortable with solitude,and that is everyone's personal choice, however it makes me wonder what it is about themselves that these people dislike that they don't want to spend time in their own company, what do they not want to learn about themselves?

By being alone with nothing but our own thoughts can bring us closer to our higher self, the divine spirit, God or whatever your belief system names the great power.  

I just wonder how much more open and accepting this world would be if everybody spent some time off the beaten track with themselves, to listen to what is really being expressed internally, how much more at peace we would be with ourselves and each other if we could all have some solitary moments and connect with ourselves, 

No matter what someone's age is or life experiences, everyone has lessons to learn continually through life, if we don't listen to what our inner voice is telling us, we stop learning, we stop seeing those signs of what we can learn, where our journey can take us.

And like The Hermit, some time in solitude is enlightening, but it can be quite cold off that beaten track, and heading back to civilisation (and a hot chocolate) is necessary, especially if we want to put into practice what it is we have learned.

Secrets and Shy

No card talk today, I've been doing some study work all day with them and I'm all tarot'd out.  Don't get me wrong, I could talk all day about tarot and oracles, however I have to give this old brain of mine a chance to recover or I'll end up going into over-drive.

So instead I'm going to let you in on a little secret about me.

Anybody who knows me in the physical world would describe me as loud, funny, quick witted, opinionated, friendly and out going. They are possibly flatteringly correct but in another way they are very wrong.  

These people who would use this kind of description of me are people who are close, trusted friends.  When I use the term 'trusted' they can wear that as a badge of honour, as I find trusting people extremely difficult.  All my close circle have something, very personal to me, in common with me, and these vary from friend to friend.

As a child I was very shy, I was brought up for the first five years of my life in a different country, my parents having emigrated when I was a baby.  I knew no extended family and my world consisted of my father, my mother and my brother.  After 5 years abroad, my parents came back to the U.K where I was thrust into a large family of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.  It was alien to me,  I was a very petite child, with a strong Australian accent, and these strange people would fuss around me, quick to point out how sweet I was with my white blonde hair and suntanned skin, I was, asking me to say things in my funny accent.  I hated every moment of the over the top attention.  To me, I was just me.

Being shy was no excuse, my mother would tell me to 'stop being so stupid', 'answer people when I was spoken to' and the cruelest one, stop being so pathetic'.  I had been taken away from everything I had known, bright sunny days, miles and miles of open land, and a rather middle class background and thrust into this grey, cold country, with what seemed like a grubby landscape of nothing but streets and houses.

Even in school I was treated like some strange being, the little blonde one with the funny accent, made to stand up and read in school assemblies, tell the other children about life in Australia, ad I ever seen a koala or a kangaroo. 

I was miserable and lost.  I had been cosseted by the exclusivity of my small family, where I could play in my fantasy world and imagination.  Now I was being told I had to behave differently.

Unfortunately my mother's remarks came back and bit her in the rear.  As I grew I became 'out going' and talkative, developed a strong regional accent, and my mother despaired of the monster she ad created. I had swung the pendulum way too far in the other direction and she was frequently embarrassed by my extrovert behaviour.

Recently, over the last year and a half, I feel I have come to terms with the reasons for this..... I AM AN INTROVERT.

I spent so many years being made to feel ashamed and uncomfortable with being and introvert, that I created an alter ego who was the complete opposite of who I truly am.  It was a mask I wore well, but was never comfortable with.

Why people think being an introvert is a weakness is beyond me.  I feel that it is the reason I am able to show empathy and compassion, find forgiveness, and accept my own faults.     

As I explained here here I am happy in my own company.  I am not anti social, I just do not feel comfortable in big social groups. Some people see me as being aloof, stand-offish, even as thinking myself above other people, these people couldn't be further from the truth.

If someone becomes my close friend, it has taken a while to get there,  It has usually taken them to share something personal with me that I can relate to that has been the catalyst in me trusting them as a friend.  

Even with the protection of hiding behind a computer screen does not change my introverted tendancies.  I have 43 fiends on facebook, this includes family  I never accept friend requests from friends of friends.  I am a member of a number of forums, yet will only post maybe once a week (on some it is less than that).  

So, you may think, why start a blog? why offer free readings?  Because I do like interacting with people, I enjoy listening to other peoples' stories, I too have a story, its called 'who I am'.  

As I try to find meaning to my life, I find writing it down helps me to view it objectively.  I have been told on several occasions that what I have lived, can also help and that I should write a book about my life (it wouldn't be believed if I did).  But this is my starting point.This is my little way of putting it out there.  And like an alcoholic at an A.A meeting I want to stand up and be accountable for what I am........I am Pisces Moon, and I am an introvert