On The Road To Somewhere

Image from www.pixabay.com

After a huuuuuge hiatus, I'm back.  I make no excuses or apologies.  I needed time away, so I gave myself permission to take it.

I haven't been entirely idle, I have embraced the time and utilised it to do some much neglected art journalling, reading, and catching up with myself.  I even went back over my Self Love September notes from last year, just to see how far I had come.  So imagine my absolute joy when I heard Kelly-Ann was doing another one this year.  
You can find the details HERE 

When I started the Self Love September last year, I had, 6 months earlier, come out of a severe depressive episode, I was still fragile, sensitive and having days when even getting dressed seemed like an insurmountable task.  I had thrown myself into my tarot studies more as a distraction than anything.  It was something I realised that the people around me didn't comprehend, so it became a way to shut myself off from them.  I had never realised there was such a big community on the internet until I stumbled onto youtube.  That was my turning point, when I realised that this was something that wasn't a distraction, it was actually my focus.  

Doing practice spreads whilst I was reading the copious amount of tarot books I had, made me realise that the cards were giving me help........ not predictions, but actual advice.  VIII Strength was my stalker, as was XIII Death and XVI The Tower.  At first my understanding of these 3 cards was skewed, I felt it was predicting more trouble, more problems, until I began to realise they were actually trying to help me get my life back on track.

All I wanted was the 'old me' back, to feel the way I used to about life, it was like a mantra, I would cry every morning, beg every night for this. Eventually I realised those cards were trying to tell me, I would never be the 'old me'.  My situation had ensured that could not be.  I had to leave the 'old me' behind, if I didn't I wouldn't have learned the lesson I needed to, that my life was being who others wanted me to be and it wouldn't get any better if I didn't make the change.  What I had to do was accept the 'me' that I was now. 

As The Tower was telling me, everything I had before, everything I believed, trusted and 'knew' was gone.  I had to build a new foundation, one from my own strength and build it back up.  It was slow sometimes unsteady, I felt like I was having to metaphorically keep taking bricks out that didn't fit and replace them.  I'm still "under construction' but I am getting there.

Once I found the online community, my mental state began to improve, here were people I could learn from, talk with, share ideas with and they didn't have to know my past, I didn't even have to get dressed to speak with them, they wouldn't know if I was in my PJ's at 3pm nor would they probably care.

So when I read about Self Love September 2014, I knew I had to do it.   Having followed The Four Queens' blog and YouTube channel for a while I realised this young woman was someone very special, with something amazing to give.  I felt that Self Love could benefit me, it was what I was lacking in my foundation.  Prior to participating, I was too busy appeasing everyone around me, the usual responses from me were; 
No, really, it's fine.
Of course I don't mind.
If you want me to.
No, don't apologise, it's just me being oversensitive.

Now I happily stand in my own power, because the 'me' I became has needs and wants, just as much as everyone around me.  If I can't address those with priority then how can I address other people's.  If I'm not happy at core level, how am I to to be happy for others.  My responses also address my needs too, they have become;

I'm not able to as I have other commitments  (even if that commitment is soaking in a bubble bath, I promised it to myself and you don't break promises especially to those you love).
I don't want to go........ (insert activity/place you have absolutely no interest in here) as it's not my 'thing'.
No! (no further explanation needed to justify this)
I haven't blogged, because I wanted to do something else.

Last year helped me so much to start to understand that I was important, I have a spirit that needs nurturing, an inner child that needs to play, and the inner strength to be and do these things

So I am eagerly anticipating September I know I'll be participating, journalling, creating and reaffirming that I am indeed special, as we all are.  If we can't tell ourselves that and believe it, then it will make no difference, at our core level, how many times other people tell us.

This time 4 years ago, I was in hell. 
This time last year I was in the proverbial tunnel, walking towards that glimmer of light.
And now, I am exactly where I need to be at this moment.

Seratonin and SCUBA Diving

Found on Pinterest

Anyone who has ever suffered with depression can tell you, it is a cruel taskmaster.  So it was lovely to see Kelly-Ann aka The Four Queens speak candidly about her experience with depression in this video.  She is so eloquent and calm in her delivery of what I feel is a very honest and open dialogue about her mental health history, and her acceptance of this part of her life is reassuring to others who may be currently battling with acceptance of their own.  I know my daughter has learned to accept herself more through certain videos from Kelly-Ann and accepts her scars as something that manifested itself in her, but does not need justifying to others.  The people who matter to my daughter don't need to ask, the people who ask do not matter.

So as a way of a response to the video I decided to have a ramble about my own battle and my feelings on the attitudes of depression.

Only in the past 2 year have I managed to pull myself out of the black hole that had me trapped for over 3 years.  It's been a long climb up the path of recovery, two steps forward, one step back most of the time.  I dealt with mine using a combination of medication, therapy and taking a proactive approach.  I can now say that I am free from the medication and no longer have therapy but I still check in with myself regularly, I still make that mental visit to see if there is anything that my 'inner friend' needs.  

I would like to think most people who have dealt with depression and come through the other side do this.  It's not alway easy though, to recognise the thought patterns that can  take them back to that dark place.  Sometimes it isn't possible to avoid going along that path again and again, as anyone with depression knows.

People are quick to judge someone with depression, as it is not an illness that is easily seen.  Most sufferers cover it up so well that when crisis happens, what I call 'The Abyss', people around are shocked, even surprised.  They wonder how it has happened, why it has happened, and the most common reaction is telling the sufferer that they should have told people they were struggling. When in reality the times that we do reach out, I found the most common responses were;

Oh, it'll sort itself out.
Everybody has problems 
Pull yourself together/get a grip
You'll be fine, you're a strong person.

I feel over the years, depression has been re-defined and not in a good way, by people who have no real understanding of it.  Depression has become something that has been relegated to the ranks of having a bad day.  But it is not ' a bad day', it is not feeling fed up because you didn't get what you wanted.  It is  certainly not shedding some tears in  the doctors office, in the hope they will give you an official letter, so your university will give you special dispensation on your degree score, as you were too busy living it up instead of studying.  (Yes, I have been witness to all of these cases of 'depression').

Then there are the people who do not realise depression is a chemical imbalance, the lack of seratonin, that anybody can develop. Even the most successful, wealthy, loved, respected and publicly adored.  Yet it seems common for others to judge by wondering what these people have to be depressed about.    It is not the exclusive realm of the lonely, poor and under appreciated.  My depression started when I was married, we had a very good income, respectable jobs even 2 holidays abroad every year.  But depression caught me in its web and now, single, working a low paid job and taking each day with acceptance for whatever may happen, and not judging mine or others choices, I am happier than I have been for many years.

Depression, real depression is that smothering, crushing feeling, when,  no matter how you try and look at things, there is nothing. There is no feeling of hope or joy, there is no feeling of worthiness, there is no feeling of understanding.  There is only fear, hopelessness, mistrust and a mental loneliness as your brain tells you that you are stupid, nobody cares, and what is the point when you are useless and fail at everything and nobody really likes you, they are just being polite (these were just some of my constant mental processes when I started down the slope).

 But the treatment of depression has to be a proactive one.  Medication works for most people but the individual's thought processes have to be worked on, altered and diverted.  If not, then the medication just masks the underlying  issues and the cycle of depression remains.  I had 3 different talking therapies, not all worked, everybody is different though and what didn't work for me can be the key for someone else.

My mother is a perfect example of what Kelly-Ann describes as cloaking oneself in their depression.  To my mother it defines who she is, it excuses her cruel side and feeds her need for attention and getting her own way.  She wears it as her badge of honour.  She has been on antidepressants for 20 years (since my father's death).  She refuses talking therapy, as she claims the therapists are useless and don't help.  She expects them to solve the issues and feels they should provide her with the answers that only she can give. 

She refuses to participate in anything that may be enjoyable unless it is something she wants to do, and if she does take part, she will criticise and complain for the duration, spoiling it for everyone else lest she is proven wrong and she has a good time.  

And yet she feels her happiness is everybody else's responsibility.  I don't judge her for it, she has no understanding of her illness and doesn't want to learn about it.  So I accept her as she is and arm myself mentally against any negativity she wants to throw out into the world.  For if she won't  help herself, then I, nor anyone else can do it for her.  

Ironically it was my mother who helped me recover, when she made the comment, after being medicated myself for almost 3 years, that I was going to end up like her, stuck on 'useless' drugs for the rest of my life.  My inner rebel sat up and thought no way am I turning into my mother.  My path for recovery was set, that very day.  

I knew there was some positive things in my life, I knew I could find that fun, loving person that was squashed so far down inside of me.  I knew I had to coax her back, gently with love, compassion and patience.  I had to wrap my arms and heart around the 'me' that the depressive mind had told me was gone and I never deserved anyway.  I had to dive deep, search through the murky depths and try and find that little glimmer of gold. Believe me it took some time to find it through the wreckage that lay covering it. Once I found that first little piece I went back every day and searched for more and more, until it was like I had found the actual treasure chest, where all the happiness lay.  I can not say I will never suffer any further episodes of depression, it is not something I plan on, however nobody ever does, but I know for now my life feels good I am happy with who and where I am and that is what matters more than anything. 

Ladies and Gentlemen.....A Toast.

5 of Waters.  Osho Zen Tarot.

I love working with the Osho Zen Tarot.  It is a deck that helps guide me along on my spiritual path like a Rough Guide Handbook, pointing out the good places and not so good and takes you off the beaten track to those little areas not everyone has discovered.

I drew the 5 of Water (equivalent to Cups in RWS) in response to a question my daughter asked.  The gist of which, was, why did everything in her life keep turning out crappy.

Its sad, she is a beautiful young woman, with a gorgeous little boy.  She works hard at her job and at being a mum.  She's warm, friendly,funny, honest and touchingly niave, but she seems to keep hitting brick walls. 

As a child she was quiet and well behaved, but due to having to wear glasses form under the age of one, was bullied and ridiculed throughout her early school years.  As she got further through school, she had to wear braces on her teeth, so as kids do, she was yet again singled out and ridiculed.

However, as I kept telling her, my little 'ugly duckling' became the swan (she has a killer smile and te most beautiful eyes) but the damage was done, her self image was distorted and her confidence shattered.  It has taken many years to just begin to re-build what her school years took away.

So the 5 of Water Clinging to the Past seemed appropriate even though my daughter tells me she doesn't cling to the past, she says 'It's there, but filed away.'  So I began to tell her exactly how I see it.

She carries it around, frozen, part of her past that she doesn't want to deal with fully, so it is in the 'freezer compartment' of her memories.  Neatly stored in little parcels, every insult, every 'joke', every jibe, easily within reach on that special little shelf made for the ice cube trays.

The glass, behind the figure on the card, is waiting to be filled with all the good things, the experiences and events in life that we long to drink in.  Every time the promise of filling that glass comes up, like an automatic response, out come the ice cubes.   

Ice cubes made of shit, (not recommended but hey, its a metaphor) containing all the hard, cutting, hurtful things we have experienced in life, once dropped into that glass of hope and promise they aren't going to make the experience nice, it becomes tainted. 

It makes no difference how expensive the champagne, how good the quality of it, once that ice cube gets dropped in and starts to mix in, your champagne isn't going to taste good.  In fact it's going to taste of the same old shit that was held in the ice.

Maybe we need to check our 'freezer compartments' and acknowledge that there is some crap in there,  better still deal with one cube at a time, defrost it, check for any diamonds of clarity and pearls of wisdom we may have put in there by mistake that can be of some value,  and then flush the rest away, even ice has a use by date. 

We need to stop thinking our glasses need the ice cube, if you stop using ice, there is more room for champagne. 

Dealing with it one by one is possible, we all deserve to be able to raise our glasses up and savor the crisp, fresh taste of the delicious champagne that is our life. 

At (Arms) Crossed Purpose

4 of Pentacles Reversed, Rider Waite Smith Tarot

Sometimes we are in a situation where we, or someone we know appears closed off, physically or emotionally.  Body language experts often tell us that folding our arms across ourselves is a give away that someone it doing this.

In the 4 of Pentacles it is pretty evident that the figure is doing the arms crossed 'closed off' signal, while holding one of his pentacles close to him.  One of the popular keywords for this card reversed is 'greed'.  However as the suit of Pentacles is about everything 'physical', so it also covers our physical self.

Greed, obviously is about protecting what you have, not willing to share it, but when it comes to ourselves it may be a case of self preservation.

Sometimes a little bit of retreating to re-assess a situation, without other people affecting our thoughts with their advice and opinions needs to be done.  

We become closed off to others when we feel we need to protect our selves from unwelcome attention, criticism even physical attack.  So is the 4 of Pentacles reversed seen as a negative position to be in?

Being someone who is lucky enough not to be one of those people who absorb others negative energies, I have noticed recently that I am feeling some negativity in me.  

I am able to attune myself with peoples' energy, however, partly due to my previous career I feel I learned how to protect myself from carrying their energy with me and rarely after a reading do I feel I have someone else's emotional baggage with me.

So my recent negativity is being triggered by something.  There seems to be certain people that are setting off that negativity and I need to examine why.  It is definitely a projection as these people have done nor said anything outwardly negative.  I just get a bad vibe from their interactions. 

Given that I dislike how I am feeling, I have decided to withdraw myself from the area these people are so as not to cause an issue with them.  In reality these people have done nothing to me personally, yet I just feel the negativity rise in me the moment their presence is apparent.

I am closing off, I am protecting myself, and will impose a level of isolation from the places i frequent, for the present.  This is not a bad or selfish thing, it is to give me time to look at the issue and work out just what is being brought up from my unconscious that I don't really want to look at about myself.

From there I can work on the problem, from there I can turn that card around, and from there I can hopefully move on to a better frame of mind.

Riding Bareback Through The 6 of Wands

6 of Wands, Legacy of the Divine Tarot by Ciro Marchetti

In some respects I can see this card as the song 'What have you done today to make you feel proud?' by M People.

Generally viewed as a positive card of victory, triumph and success, the 6 of Wands looks like a pretty good place to be.

There he sits triumphant on his horse, people around are cheering and celebrating the victory.  Just what has the rider done to deserve the acclaim he receives? 

Maybe its something that will serve others, like the union rep fighting for a pay rise for his members  and winning,  or something less society based, and more personal, like the family member that has successfully organised a surprise get together for loved ones.

Whatever the card means personally to the querant, it is a sign that they can feel they have done something  to make them hold their head up high and enjoy the congratulatory cheers.  However the 6 of Wands is usually a short lived triumph as it gives way to the 7 which can (in brief) mean challenge, defending your position or fighting off the competition. 

For now however it is all about success and being able to enjoy that success for just as long as the party lasts, because admittedly the figure in the card is sitting proud on is horse but saddle soreness will eventually kick in.  Remember that 'pride comes before a fall'.

Every card has a good and bad side though and I feel the 6 of Wands is ripe for this exploration (actually it just happened to be my daily draw for today).

Sometimes  when I see this card I feel like saying it's time to get off your high horse.  It may be that the querant or someone in the querant's life is going along blowing their own trumpet, it could symbolise that uncle who has been in the same job for 27 years with no prospect of promotion but tells anyone who will  listen just how the company would collapse if it wasn't for him.

  

It could be that they are over embellishing their success, bragging and boastful in an attention seeking manner or  they are taking credit where they shouldn't be.

We are allowed to be proud of our achievements, we are allowed a certain amount of praise for our achievements, that is natural.  It becomes a problem when constant ego stroking is needed to validate us.  It hides the deep insecurities and low self esteem which can in turn develop into grandiose behaviour and exaggerated claims.

Another aspect of the card, to me, speaks of someone spouting the moral high ground.  'Look at me, I am such a darned good person, everybody needs to listen to me and my ideals because I am right'.

We all know someone like this, whether in real life or through the media.  

I know someone exactly like this, they feel the need to voice their opinion  (and frequent disapproval) of others life choices so everybody can tell this person how wonderful she is, so wise and knowledgeable and yet, when it comes to her life choices, she doesn't practice what she so loudly preaches, then wonders why the admiring crowd have dispersed and she is left to stable her own horse.

So when you see this card come up, try and see how the rider is sitting in that saddle and just which way the horse is heading

I Do Believe in Faeries.

The Faeries Oracle by Brian Froud

Along with my delivery of Tarot Illuminati another card deck bounced into my cart and found its way to my loving arms.

Its a deck I have read so much about (some of it quite bizarre) but I wanted to see what the hype was all about.  As I have made this year's deck study all about Tarot of the Hidden Realm (which is a fey energy deck) I wanted to explore this world a little more.  I am developing a real pull towards the fey realm and thought as I have 365 days and 78 tarot cards in my Hidden Realm deck, maybe I needed something to expand on.

Some people find a belief in the faerie realm a little, let's call it, odd. I, however, feel it opens up our inner child and lets her play in a way that adulthood has neglected.  Surely this is a good thing.  I mean c'mon, if big business execs can spend a day paint-balling, running round a place playing pretend shoot outs and call it team building, what is wrong with someone else 'seeing' faeries.  

Now call me a cynic, strange or whatever, but I have a real issue with 'Angels'.  I know that they are popular and well received by a lot of people, (and an excellent money maker for certain people) but I just can't click with the concept. Maybe its about the Christianity thing, them being portrayed as the 'messengers of 'god' and all that, but it really doesn't taste good in my mouth. Every angel deck I have come across is sugary sweet with positivity and that is not real life.   

If that is what you are in to then its nice you have found a system that gives you comfort and guidance, however its not for me.  If we are to believe that every difficulty we face, every issue we have to deal with in life is a test from the angels then doesn't that absolve us from taking any responsibility for choices we have made, that may not have been good ones?.  Like a celestial 'pass the buck'.`

How do you do a reading for the person whose partner has just walked out on them, left them with massive debts, broke, in a bad place mentally and at the risk of becoming homeless as they may be losing their job?  

How can a reading from a sugary sweet positive deck help that person?  How does having Gabriel telling you that the loving arms of the angels are around you, help you move forward.  Am I just 'not getting it?'  To me its like being given a life threatening diagnosis and then being handed a sticking plaster.

Sorry, I digress on a totally different ramble.  

Faeries, yes.  I have researched the Faerie Oracle before it fell into my shopping cart, and I love the earthy style of some of the fey.  There are some beautiful faeries (more in keeping with general ideas of how faeries should look, but there are some gargoyle-esque fey there too).  The messages are honest and relevant.  It should not be assumed that life is going to be sprinkled with pretty pixie dust with these cards, some of the energies would just as easy throw a cow-pat over you if it meant you got the message.

Faerie energy is cheeky, mischievous but strong, powerful and honest.  Life is all about the ups and downs, the light and dark.  It is duality, it is contrast and complement.
These cards hold it all and I'm chomping at the bit to get to know them. 

Postman Pat and the Illuminati

Tarot Illuminati by  Erik. C. Dunne

I can be so ostentatious at times and when I see money in my account that has no obvious purpose, it seems to find its way to exchange itself into a new deck of cards.  I honestly do not know how it does it but it does.  Honestly these things just magically 'appear' in my shopping cart.  That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

Today I was excited to receive my copy of Tarot Illuminati by Erik. C. Dunne.  To say I was hyper excited was an understatement.  I was at my daughter's house and luckily my post man knows me so he handed the parcel(s) in there, seriously I could have kissed him.  

My delight was a little obvious as I ripped open the package then proceeded to ooh and aah my way through the deck.  The colours are so vibrant and each card is loaded with imagery.  I'm a little hmmm about the faces of the people on the cards, but I suppose its just a case of familiarising myself with them. 

I know some people do not appreciate CGI decks, I don't have a problem with them as, if done well, it can add layer upon layer of imagery which to me only enhances the understanding of each card (no TdM for me thank you).  The LWB (if you can call it that, as it is not little or white) is beautifully written by Kim Huggens, one of my favourite tarot authors.  Each Major has a full page colour reproduction of the card with a one page explanation of its significance.

There are a few spreads in the book too and information is given about furthering your learning with tarot with astrology, numerology and Kabbalah.  

I'm a Ciro Marchetti girl myself and adore his tarot and oracle decks and eagerly anticipate the release of Tarot of Dreams on the mass market. But I must admit I am royally impressed with Illuminati. 

I am looking forward to doing some self development readings with these cards, as I feel they have a wealth of information within each card.

I have also been ordered, by my daughter. to give her a reading with these as soon as possible, so it looks like I may be busy this evening.

  

Shelving the Idea

It seemed like the answer to my problem.  The problem being, where to put all my tarot and oracle decks, tarot books and journals (5 currently in use) that seem to be taking over my living room.

So I copped a bargain in the sales and got this lovely shelving unit for £10.  

I stood yesterday morning waiting for it to be delivered making beeswax polish with pure beeswax and coconut oil, to lovingly treat the raw wood.  I added some cedarwood essential oil and it smelt soooo good.

I've waxed it as smooth as porcelain, it has a sheen that looks like silk.  

Being a master of the screwdriver, I lovingly assembled it, and waxed it once more ( I think the smell of the wax has got more to do with it though than a love of polishing).

Out came the drill and hey presto I have storage for my collection.  That is, until I realised that one was not going to be big enough.  Oh heck no!! 

I still have decks on my bedside table, one deck is actually under my pillow.  I have a couple of decks on a bookcase and another 2 in the post.

I love the unit though, the top shelf has a lip to it and is just the ideal size for the bigger oracle cards, the fit like a glove. and no need for bookends to hold everything on the shelves.

So, guess what I'm off to buy tomorrow (no prize awarded to guessing correctly), yep another shelf unit, although ideally a bigger house may be a better idea (although would cost considerably more than a tenner).

Sir Bob Crowned King

King of Cups, Legacy of the Divine Tarot by Ciro Marchetti

When people start reading tarot I find the majority of confusion regarding card meanings comes from the Court Cards, Pages, Knights, Queens and Kings.

The issue being, is this an actual person, is it the energy of the querent or the energy of a person in the querent's life? 

I think if the Court cards were removed people would learn tarot in half the time, however they are ever present and need to be learned and understood.

Older tarot teachings even attached the physical attributes of the person supposedly represented in the cards.  More modern thinking has used the energy the card represents (we are after all a lot more multi racial these days).

To really start tackling these 16 mind boggling cards I looked around at various methods and found the ones that felt like they could work for me.  There are simply hundreds of different methods, each as valid in their own right.  

The only way to stop yourself going into melt down is to find 2 or 3 methods to start with that feel comfortable and don't leave you sobbing in a heap over your deck (it does nothing for your self esteem or the longevity of the cardstock of your deck).

The system that has really started kicking the Courts butts into shape for me is to associate each one to a person you feel best suits the cards attributes.

My King of Cups, I associate with Sir Bob Geldof.  He is a man who is sensitive to others, he is compassionate and sensitive. He responds to the needs of others, and will fight their cause.  The King of Cups has a strength of emotion that he uses to rally people to fight for a cause that touches his heart.  He is an amazing father, who encourages his children to be attuned to their feelings and be true to themselves.  He allows them the freedom of personal expression, understanding that each one of them are individuals.

This King knows of heartbreak though and yet he puts the needs of others first and only speaks of his personal troubles in a controlled way that ensures he does not leave himself or those he loves vulnerable.  

Do not think for one moment this man is a complete saint, he does have a negative side, he can display a moody side to him, he can become over emotional about things close to his heart, where people are involved he can appear clingy and needy.  He can be impatient and intolerant to the point that he pushes people away.

But in the positive aspect I feel that is attributes point toward Sir Bob, when we look at the change he made in our understanding of third world famine, with BandAid in 1984. 
His personal and very public tragedies that has befallen his family and to rise to the call of the devastation caused to peoples lives with the ebola crisis by bringing BandAid 2014 together.  He fully deserved his Knighthood, but in my world of tarot, he wears a great big crown.

Katy Perry and th Un-Cowardly Lion.

VIII Strength.  Legacy of the Divine Tarot by Ciro Marchetti

For some strange reason the Strength card always make me imagine the Katy Perry song 'Roar'.  The chorus sums up this card beautifully:

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter

Dancing through the fire

'Cause I'm a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar

Louder, louder than the lion

'Cause I'm a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar

Songwriters

MCKEE, BONNIE LEIGH / MARTIN, MAX / GOTTWALD, LUKASZ / PERRY, KATY / WALTER, HENRY

.Published by

Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., DOWNTOWN MUSIC PUBLISHING LLC

When we look at what Strength symbolises in tarot, we realise that we have an animalistic side to us, that needs to be brought into balance.  It is also about remembering that the greatest acts of our strength are not created through physical strength, but the strength of calm, reassurance and trust.  

The song lyrics remind us though, that it is sometimes necessary for us to un-leash the beast inside of us.  When we are in a situation where our personal power has been removed, through fear, manipulation or control, we owe it to ourselves to allow that inner tiger, lion, beast, to emerge.  A temporary surfacing is not a bad thing, as long as we know when to bring it back under control.  That is true strength.

Whether it be in a personal relationship, a work situation or even something on a global scale, letting that beast loose can sometimes be the thing we need to do to make a positive change.  To be able to stand in our own power, we need to know when patience and trust are no longer working for us, and we need to be our own 'champion'.

It is not uncommon to hear of people doing amazingly heroic acts, exercising an inner strength to protect others or even to survive themselves.  And these are people who, in everyday life, are thought of by others to be quiet, placid even, and unremarkable in every other way.  These people have full control of that animal that lurks beneath.

Strength is not about just sitting back and never getting angry.  If that was the case, the world would be a horrific place to be.  Strength is about knowing when you need to allow situations to run to their natural conclusion and when to stand up and roar.

A spread for 2015

As we all move towards a new year, we all make promises to ourselves that this year will be better/different/the year we achieve all our personal goals.

I've been developing a spread that may be of some use if you are not sure what 2015 shuld be doing for you.  It is not a predicitve spread, but a spread of self learning and awareness. 

The spread uses O The Fool as the pivotal card and is loosely arranges around the figures 2,0,1,5.

The first 2 cards I have placed as something from your life that needs to be left in 2014, something that no longer serves you or doesn't working for you.  In practice readings I have done, it has read two ways, so you need to use your intuition to go with it.  The first interpretation can read as an entire situation, a brief outline of an issue, the whos the whats the whens.  The second interpretation (and it has happened in approximately 50% of the practice readings is that it shows an issue and the reason to leave it behind, the whys.

The Fool card is not interpreted, per se, it symbolises the new year, new start, new step in your life.

Card 3 is the main focus you need to keep in 2015.  It is the lesson that we need to learn to put all the rest into place (even better if a Major shows up here).

Cards 4 through to 8 are also lessons to take on board over the coming year, they may be small changes or realisations that need to be addressed to help us deal with whatever 2015 is going to throw at us. 

It has taken a while to figure if the positions work, and in reality they can be tweaked to be whatever you choose them to be.  But I do like this spread, it can be a bit of an eye opener when most people tell you they are going to go to the gym next year, or give up chocolate and you can say, I'm going to develop my authoritive side/ try and become less self sabotaging, or speak my truth, and I'll keep eating the chocolate when I feel like some (and not judge myself harshly about it) thank you. 

Have a play around with the spread and let me know what you think, let me know if you have given the positions different meanings and if so, what are they, and how do they work for you.

Yule (B)Log

As the shortest day and longest night, Yule, to me is a turning point.  I love the long lazy summer days, so my heart sinks when the sunny days leave us and the dark days creep in.  

Yule gives the promise of the returning light, the plants and flowers slowly begin to stir beneath the earth and the birds and animals start to re-appear.

I think Yule is the perfect time to leave some of our baggage behind in the darkness and nurture what we want to bring into the light.  Tarot can help us look at what these tings can be,  I have always been inspired by The Four Queens' approach to tarot and she has lovingly shared some lovely Yule tarot and oracle spreads on her YouTube channel here.

I think if we dig deep enough within ourselves there is always something we can find that can give us hope and inspiration to pursue, something to bring light into our lives.

Too many people make new year resolutions based on a major change in their lives and by February, have given up as they are not seeing the rewards fast enough.  By using tarot we can 'check in' with ourselves and get a snapshot of what we need to address to accelerate our goals.

I am going to spend some time tonight assessing my goals for the coming year, and if I have to journey one small step at a time, I will.  I will have a monthly check up with the cards to see if I am progressing in the right way and if I need to change anything I am doing, or even need to address an entirely different issue then so be it.  I am not going to run a race with myself to get where I want to be.  I'd rather take a stroll and enjoy the scenery, after all life is meant to be an experience and I want to experience as much as I can.

Have a blessed Yule and may the returning light illuminate your heart.

Pre-Christmas Cards

Father Christmas came early this year, I have acquired the latest addition to my oracle collection, Colette Baron-Reid's Wisdom of the Hidden Realms.

All I can say is, 'amazeballs'.  The artwork is so rich, the images just speak for themselves. All the card artwork is by the artist Jena DellaGrottaglia, which gives a nice constant flow to them, which I like.  I sometimes feel when the artwork on the cards are a collaboration of different artists, some cards in the deck just don't give me the vibe.  

This could be why the Oracle of Shadows and Light, and Shapeshifters remain my favourite oracle decks as Jasmine Becket Griffiths artwork is consistant on both decks. 

I have been having some 'getting to know you' time with each card and think the deck and I are going to get along well.

The Wisdom of the Hidden Realms cards use reversals, which I like, however the upright position is called an ally, and reversed is called the challenger.

Some of the cards are ally only, a few of the cards are both ally and challenger in the same instant, making it an interesting deck to read.

I can't wait to try them out properly and really get to know them, this is why I'm going to offer some free readings HERE in the coming days, so keep checking back if you would like to find out what these cards have to say to you.

I Am Woman, Hear me Roar

As The Empress card goes I think this one from Legacy of the Divine tarot has got to be my favourite.

If an image has to symbolise the femininity, fertility and abundance associated with the Empress, this card has it all.

I love when this card appears in a spread, it gives me such a happy feeling.  It is enough to tell any female querant that as she stands, she is amazing.

The heavily pregnant Empress, draped in her sheer robe rejoices in the beauty of the female body and its ability to grow and expand with the seed of the future.  I love explaining to querants that this does not signify pregnancy per se, but symbolises that we should rejoice in our ability to grow and nurture the seeds we plant for our future.   

As women, we tend to down play our strong points, sometimes we find they are down-played for us.  We need to learn that as the bringers of life we hold amazing power over our lives.  The Empress also shows that no matter what or physical body is like, we all hold that potential to create, nurture and reap the bounty of those sown seeds.

The Empress is the mother archetype, she not only nurtures the child growing within her, but all that is around her.  She cares for her own, for the earth and everything in it, knowing it is all connected.
  
Loving and caring the Empress embraces all, but she is no martyr to her cause.  She enjoys the good things in life, luxuriance and abundance are evident in her life.  But these things have come from the seeds The Empress has sown, that she has tended and protected.  She is one practical and grounded lady, and the fruits of her harvest are for sharing.  She is a life giver, protector and generous in her love.


There is so much more I could waffle on about regarding The Empress, however I am going to leave it there for now.  I really just wanted to share the beautiful image of Ciro Marchetti's work.  

A Festive Tarot Spread

Feel free to use this spread, if you are using it on a forum or blog or any other website, please link it back to me here.
Many thanks.

I've put together a little seasonal spread for you.  Its been tested out using Legacy of the Divine tarot deck, and seems like it is pretty accurate.

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Feel free to use it, let me know what you think.  All I ask is if it is going onto a blog, forum or any other website, can you please link it back to me here.

Obviously its festive so here are the card position definitions.

Card 1 The Tree, this is your basic 'core', where you sprang from, where your roots are deep.

Card 2 and 3, Your Branches, this is where you have had growth, the lessons you have learned, where you have been developing.

Card 4, The Tree Lights, this is where/what makes you shine.

Card 5, The Baubles, this is what hangs from the branches, subconscious thoughts/underlying issues.

Card 6 The Star At The Top Of The Tree, your hopes/fears.

Card 7, Your Gift Under The Tree, this is something coming your way.  I placed card 7 horizontally to make it neutral 'cos lets face it, nobody wants coal in their Christmas stocking.

I hope you have fun with it.

The Tower and the Compost Heap

This quote reminds me of The Tower card in tarot.  We are sometimes dealt a blow that can seem like the end of our world, as we know it.  

I believe that no matter how destructive the damage of a bolt from the blue can be, there is always a chance to salvage what you can and re-build something better.  Even if there is not one thing salvageable, if you have your self then you have something to re-build with.

We occasionally read an article somewhere on hugely successful people who have been plummeted to their very depths by losing everything they have through various seasons, and yet they have the determination to climb through the debris of their life and climb back up.  We believe these people are the exception to the rule, but are they?

What of the ordinary wife and mother who, because of a divorce, ends up in social housing, working for minimum wage, feeling everyday is a struggle.  In doing so, she instills a strong work ethic in her kids, as they decide to stick in with their education so they can take better employment.

Or the young widowed father, quitting his job to raise his kids, so in years to come, his own son is comfortable being a 'hands on' dad.

Aren't these all 'Tower moments? Making fetilizer from the 'shit' in which we can then plant seeds that will grow and flourish.

Not all 'Tower moments are this severe, it may be the reputation of the card that makes us believe, when it shows up in a spread, that we are going to lose it all.  It may be that the disaster we are waiting to befall us can be that flat tyre we notice as we are leaving for work, delaying us, just long enough to miss the hold up on the motorway due to a minor collision.  Or missing the bus for that all important job interview only to receive a call later that day regarding a job closer to home and with better pay and conditions.

The Tower hits when we least expect it or want it, but fearing it is not going to help. Embrace the changes it will bring.  It can be so liberating when you realise all those expectations, responsibilities and social conventions no longer count and you can let go and make a new beginning, doing it your own way. 

Life is meant to be an adventure, how can you enjoy the twists and turns of your story when you have your stage directions are already written, you need to use some ad lib too.

A Backward Step and A Happier Place

Tarot of the Hidden Realm

I'm not one for gender specifics and don't always assume that a male energy card in tarot necessarily represents a man, why?

The Emperor is a representation of father figure.  The strong archetypal male role model, the authority figure who gives us rules, boundaries and guidance.  

I was a single parent for many years, even through my marriage.  I was my children's' mum and dad, I was the Empress and Emperor.  I was the nurturing, caring, provider and the rule maker and enforcer.

The Emperor is a man who has wisdom and experience.  He knows that he needs to exert his power and make the rules to ensure that his people exist in harmony.  He also has the knowledge to know that as restrictive as rules can seem, they are needed to maintain order.  

He is not a dictator though, he knows when to use compassion and to see when he may need to adjust and modify the rules he has made, however this is never done lightly, for the Emperor knows he must always do what is best for the majority of his people.

He cares for his people and has the respect from them that his position requires, this respect though has been earned by the way he has ruled, for he does not make his decisions for his own benefit, he may have to fore go his own desires and needs as the higher good is what is sought, this in itself makes him a humble and honourable man

So today I slipped back into the Emperor role.  Not as an authoritarian figure, but as one who had to use logic and have the courage of my convictions, to know that the decision to be made needed a sound structure with limits and recognising the consequences this decision would have.

I have really juggled with this decision and at times I have felt quite anxious to-ing and fro-ing.  I do believe that the decision made will have the best outcome for everyone involved.  And it puts me back to the Empress, which is where I feel happiest.   

Wicked Wishes and the 9 of Cups Rx

'Cause getting your dreams

It's strange, but it seems

A little - well - complicated

There's a kind of a sort of, cost

There's a couple of things get, lost

There are bridges you cross

You didn't know you crossed

Until you've crossed

(Lyrics from Thank Goodness, from the musical Wicked)

As the wish card in tarot, the 9 of Cups seems like it can do no wrong.  Reversed though, well lets look at how I see it.

I always try to relate my understanding of a card with an experience from my life, that way it makes it easier to understand. The above song lyrics tend to resonate so well with how I see the 9 of Cups reversed.

Using the RWS card, the man in the card seems to be sitting, claiming his space, arms crossed and a hint of a smug look on his face.  This is someone who seems to be in a stance of arrogance, closed off and with little regard for anyone else's feelings or opinions  No matter what is happening he is going to put himself at the forefront of any situation.  His own inflated self importance is almost sickening.  

Behind him are 9 cups, upside down, I think we all know that an upside down cup is an empty cup.so what exactly is this telling us?

The man is too arrogant to realise the cups are even there, is this someone's emotions being drained?  is it their dreams being tipped away? and still the man sits there, smug and full of his own ego.  

How did this card go from being the 'wish card' to a card of shattered dreams.

Maybe this man is so wrapped up in how everything affects him and his world, that he ignores the emotional upset he is causing. 

He has no interest in seeing what is happening behind him, he is the centre of his world and his dramas.  

At some point this man was the epitome of contentment, he was the fruition of our deepest desires, hopes becoming real, and dreams manifesting.

Somewhere along the way this changed and this wonderful feeling of a dream come true, of emotional fulfillment has become a feeling of complete emptiness, of emotions spilled or simply drained.  And yet there he sits pompous, self righteous and full of denial that he has caused this.  His back turned, determined not to look at the devastation and loss behind him.  Determined not to accept responsibility for his part in any of it.

Its a time to go back to the 8 of Cups and learn the lesson of walking away, leaving the emotional ties behind.  If the advice from the 8 of Cups had been followed in the first place then maybe the 9 of Cups reversed wouldn't have happened.

However it did and only then did I realise that 'getting your dreams, it's strange but it seems a little, well complicated'.  

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