Saturday, 29 November 2014

Selfishness, Solitude and the Single Girl

Oracle of the Shapeshifters

I notice when I travel around the various tarot forums I'm a member of, the number of posts from people wanting answers regarding their love lives, crushes, obsessions is enormous.

Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people wanting to find that one true love, but the amount of people who believe it is the be all and end all is frightening.  The general thinking is to just throw yourself in whole heartedly into having a partner, any partner and calling it love.  

I am of the belief that real deep love only comes through time, and is not something that happens after a 3 hour dinner date.But seriously, the amount of people who post on these boards with things such as 'How does he feel about me.... I went on a date 5 weeks ago with this guy and he hasn't called so I did a tarot spread.  I can't read the tarot cards but I think it meant he's in love with me, cos I love him'. (This is not an actual post, but you get the gist of what I'm saying). 

Call me an old fart if you wish, however I am a firm advocate of loving yourself first. Don't bring another person into your relationship with yourself until you have a firm foundation to build on.  I've read some horror stories of people who believe they are 'destined to be together' and then go on to describe the most horrific stories of distrust, jealousy, obsession, emotional abuse and at best dislike for the person they are having a 'relationship' with.  This to me just smacks of at best, low self esteem and at worst, sheer desperation.

I'm not mocking, I've been there, oh boy have I been there.  I've had some horrific 'relationships' that felt like love, However I can look back now and realise my self esteem was at rock bottom at the time.  My last relationship makes me want to hang my head in shame, but I won't bore you with details. 
We can be our own worst enemies when someone else is loading the bullets into the gun.

So why are people so afraid of being alone?  Do they dislike their own company?  I find people like this to be very shallow people.  How can you not like being alone with yourself?  How do you even know who you are if you are constantly being fed by other peoples' thoughts and opinions?  Or do these people not trust or like their own thoughts?

Being alone is not the same as being lonely.  You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely if there is no connection there.  And I'm not even going to touch on loneliness as that is something totally different.

Being alone is a good time to think your own thoughts, get things straight in your head, even sing at the top of your tone deaf voice if you so wish, without someone telling you you're tone deaf.  So what if you are, to enjoy something doesn't mean being good at it.

Being alone makes you accountable for your every thought and action, its a brilliant time to reflect on your hopes, dreams, fears likes and dislikes.

This past 2 years has opened up so many different avenues to me, I have found things about myself that previously I had never noticed before.  My choice of reading material has totally changed, my political views are now different and I have a spiritual side of me that is developing in a way I would never have imagined.  Even my priorities are different now

I'm single by choice (yes, it is my first choice) and have been for a while.  I have no interest in finding someone to share my life with because I realised that until I found out who I truly was, and find enough reasons to love me, I couldn't expect someone else to love me.  I enjoy my time alone, I've become openly selfish, in that I don't want to have to think about 'us' just me.  I know by looking back, I have always had a selfish streak in me, I accept it and have no problem with integrating it as part of me.  I feel at this time in my life I need to be selfish.

I have become so much more at peace with my past, and accepting the negatives about myself.  I am happy with where my life is now.  I don't have someone projecting their issues on to me, making me feel I am unworthy of anything.  I do't even feel the need to socialise just because it is expected of me.  I'm a happy hermit.

So when I read all this anguish from others about either the desperate need for finding someone that loves them or that their one true love ( the 7th in a space of 2 years) is causing them hurt, I feel like replying,' Turn off Facebook, quit wearing Eau de Desperation and get a mirror.  Because reflected back is the one person who can truly love you for you, warts and all'.  You do not need any other person to validate you.  Only you can do that.

Right I'm back off to my cave in the wilderness to sing tunelessly very, very loudly.

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