Thursday, 27 November 2014

A Page of Love

Tarot of the Hidden Realm(left to Right) VI The Lovers, Page of Wands, VIII Strength

I'm not ashamed to admit that 2 years ago I was looking over the edge of the abyss.  I was in a bad place emotionally and I could not see any hope.  I felt I was a bad person who had made some terrible choices and could see no way of fixing the mess I had made

Two years on I feel so different, and my life is taking twists and turns down paths I never imagined I'd walk.  After bad choices, came better decisions, made by me, about me and for me.  

Although other people had been dragged into my personal drama I realised that by making decisions based on what other people wanted from me could never resolve the crushing tornado of hatred in myself.  I would still have felt like I was letting people down, and caused resentment. The choices I made were for me.  They were what I wanted from heart level, I would not let ego get involved,it was just purely what my heart told me.

So today I did a 3 card draw just to check in with where I am right now, and I love how the cards can show that although it was a tough time my reward for my good decisions has been more than worth it, a thousandfold.

My interpretation of this reading is;

I have had choices to make from the heart, and that choice has led to a deep loving connection to our Page of Wands.  

This card always signifies my grandson, who I absolutely adore and could not imagine my life without. The Page of wands is an active, inquisitive child, always on the go, like a whirlwind of energy, just like my little Button.   

 As he is looking towards The Lovers card, with a mischievous smile, it shows that the loving bond is reciprocated (and anyone who knows us as a family would probably agree)

What the Page brings to the situation is Strength,  He has his back to the strength card, and thus he is unaware that this is his gift.

I can say from my position today that this young boy as no idea of the impact he has had on my life.  He has changed how I view myself and my world.  He has been the catalyst for my recovery, the little beam of light that was the warning beacon near the edge of that abyss, guiding me away from falling back down it.

This is not to say that I feel anything less towards my children, however when I felt that I was nothing but a disappointment to them, this little boy with his golden curls and heart melting smile has shown me that I have, and always did have the strength to be true to myself, to know I could make better choices and keep going, moving forward and believe in myself again.

I love how tarot can sometimes give us the little pat on the back, a metal 'high five', and reminds us that we're just where we need to be.

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