This Person May Be Hazardous

How many of us have toxic relationships?  If we are honest we all probably have at least one person in our lives who we feel we would rather be without yet find it hard to walk away from.

Toxic relationships can vary from that 'friend' who always has to put us down, to the overcritical parent right the way through to an abusive partner.

When we stop and look at these relationships in the cold light of day, even through someone else's eyes it can be quite saddening to see how we let these people make us feel. 

I believe the tarot can show this through various cards,, firstly lets start with our old friend The Devil:

 The Devil can symbolise the scapegoat, selfishness, self delusion,  and a dysfunctional relationship

Are we really chained and bound by the devils chains?  We are, in actuality, free to release ourselves at any time.  Yes, we have that choice, although we sometimes are brought so low by constantly being put down, we fail to see it  .  

In toxic relationships, we usually are the scapegoat, the one the other person projects their negative traits on, and they take great pleasure in pointing out 'our' flaws to us and others.  This gives them power, it makes us eventuslly believe that even though this relationship feels intrinsically wrong, by being so flawed, who else would be-friend us.

Often these toxic people are self deluded, by projecting their insecurities they convince themselves of their perfection, they portray it as a badge of honour, happy to tell anyone who will listen how they have martyred themselves to maintain a relationship with  such a lowly creature as us.  So we continue to keep the chains that bind us to The Devil  intact, 'better the Devil you know' fits perfectly here. 

I actually like the card in Tarot of the Hidden Realm's portrayal of The Devil, it is called Shadow Dance.  It fits so well with the theme.

I remember  when trying to come to terms with the physical and emotional scars left over  from a seriously abusive partnership, I read a book called The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner, it was given to me a one of the Womens Aid Refuge workers.

It explained how the self perpetuated cycle of a toxic relationship worked.  It is as though we take part in psychological dance, each step written as a formal move,  we repeat the same steps over and over, until we have perfected it enough to win  trophies.  The clue in ending this dance is to change the steps, throw in a jive when the other is not expecting it, dip and heel, ball , shuffle in an unexpected part of the cycle and the toxic person loses their momentum, thus losing control. 

As the card itself is called Shadow Dance  it is interesting to see how the other person,s shadow side is brought closer to the surface when we do the twist in the middle of our usual foxtrot.

Another card I feel fits with the theme of toxic relationships is the 5 of Swords.  Who is the person with the smug look on their face, collecting his trophies as the other figures walk away, heads bowed.  Does this card portray how you feel at the end of any social event when your toxic person is involved.

Does this toxic person feel good about themselves for the fact that they have, very openly upset others.  Usually you find a toxic person only feels successful when they have caused maximum hurt or embarrassment to their chosen scapegoat.  It may not even be noticeable by others, however when you are constantly being sniped at and little comments being made it starts to build, and slowly wears you down, then, as other people are unaware of the constant poison, you are made to think you are over reacting. 

This is not usually the case though, we never 'over react', we react in exactly the right way as to how a situation makes us feel.

The 8 of Cups can be the best outcome card for toxic relationships,  As the lone figure walks away from the 8 cups, head bowed and mountains to climb, sometimes although hard, to leave those emotions and ties that you feel, behind you, it is as though climbing up to that higher ground can give you the clarity you need.  Those cups you left behind may be filled with all sorts of emotions but that tide is going to come in and knock those cups over and empty them all, to eventually be washed away.  

As 2015 approaches, I ave been looking at some relationships that have a toxic feel to them, some I am preparing to cut loose, others I may have to take dance lessons for as cutting the ties is not viable, however if I can stop their choice of music I can stop dancing to their tune.

  

Happy Christmas

Wishing you all a happy, peaceful and 

love filled Christmas.

Remember,

Its the people we spend Christmas with that counts, not what we spend on people for Christmas.

A spread for 2015

As we all move towards a new year, we all make promises to ourselves that this year will be better/different/the year we achieve all our personal goals.

I've been developing a spread that may be of some use if you are not sure what 2015 shuld be doing for you.  It is not a predicitve spread, but a spread of self learning and awareness. 

The spread uses O The Fool as the pivotal card and is loosely arranges around the figures 2,0,1,5.

The first 2 cards I have placed as something from your life that needs to be left in 2014, something that no longer serves you or doesn't working for you.  In practice readings I have done, it has read two ways, so you need to use your intuition to go with it.  The first interpretation can read as an entire situation, a brief outline of an issue, the whos the whats the whens.  The second interpretation (and it has happened in approximately 50% of the practice readings is that it shows an issue and the reason to leave it behind, the whys.

The Fool card is not interpreted, per se, it symbolises the new year, new start, new step in your life.

Card 3 is the main focus you need to keep in 2015.  It is the lesson that we need to learn to put all the rest into place (even better if a Major shows up here).

Cards 4 through to 8 are also lessons to take on board over the coming year, they may be small changes or realisations that need to be addressed to help us deal with whatever 2015 is going to throw at us. 

It has taken a while to figure if the positions work, and in reality they can be tweaked to be whatever you choose them to be.  But I do like this spread, it can be a bit of an eye opener when most people tell you they are going to go to the gym next year, or give up chocolate and you can say, I'm going to develop my authoritive side/ try and become less self sabotaging, or speak my truth, and I'll keep eating the chocolate when I feel like some (and not judge myself harshly about it) thank you. 

Have a play around with the spread and let me know what you think, let me know if you have given the positions different meanings and if so, what are they, and how do they work for you.

Yule (B)Log

As the shortest day and longest night, Yule, to me is a turning point.  I love the long lazy summer days, so my heart sinks when the sunny days leave us and the dark days creep in.  

Yule gives the promise of the returning light, the plants and flowers slowly begin to stir beneath the earth and the birds and animals start to re-appear.

I think Yule is the perfect time to leave some of our baggage behind in the darkness and nurture what we want to bring into the light.  Tarot can help us look at what these tings can be,  I have always been inspired by The Four Queens' approach to tarot and she has lovingly shared some lovely Yule tarot and oracle spreads on her YouTube channel here.

I think if we dig deep enough within ourselves there is always something we can find that can give us hope and inspiration to pursue, something to bring light into our lives.

Too many people make new year resolutions based on a major change in their lives and by February, have given up as they are not seeing the rewards fast enough.  By using tarot we can 'check in' with ourselves and get a snapshot of what we need to address to accelerate our goals.

I am going to spend some time tonight assessing my goals for the coming year, and if I have to journey one small step at a time, I will.  I will have a monthly check up with the cards to see if I am progressing in the right way and if I need to change anything I am doing, or even need to address an entirely different issue then so be it.  I am not going to run a race with myself to get where I want to be.  I'd rather take a stroll and enjoy the scenery, after all life is meant to be an experience and I want to experience as much as I can.

Have a blessed Yule and may the returning light illuminate your heart.

Pre-Christmas Cards

Father Christmas came early this year, I have acquired the latest addition to my oracle collection, Colette Baron-Reid's Wisdom of the Hidden Realms.

All I can say is, 'amazeballs'.  The artwork is so rich, the images just speak for themselves. All the card artwork is by the artist Jena DellaGrottaglia, which gives a nice constant flow to them, which I like.  I sometimes feel when the artwork on the cards are a collaboration of different artists, some cards in the deck just don't give me the vibe.  

This could be why the Oracle of Shadows and Light, and Shapeshifters remain my favourite oracle decks as Jasmine Becket Griffiths artwork is consistant on both decks. 

I have been having some 'getting to know you' time with each card and think the deck and I are going to get along well.

The Wisdom of the Hidden Realms cards use reversals, which I like, however the upright position is called an ally, and reversed is called the challenger.

Some of the cards are ally only, a few of the cards are both ally and challenger in the same instant, making it an interesting deck to read.

I can't wait to try them out properly and really get to know them, this is why I'm going to offer some free readings HERE in the coming days, so keep checking back if you would like to find out what these cards have to say to you.

I Am Woman, Hear me Roar

As The Empress card goes I think this one from Legacy of the Divine tarot has got to be my favourite.

If an image has to symbolise the femininity, fertility and abundance associated with the Empress, this card has it all.

I love when this card appears in a spread, it gives me such a happy feeling.  It is enough to tell any female querant that as she stands, she is amazing.

The heavily pregnant Empress, draped in her sheer robe rejoices in the beauty of the female body and its ability to grow and expand with the seed of the future.  I love explaining to querants that this does not signify pregnancy per se, but symbolises that we should rejoice in our ability to grow and nurture the seeds we plant for our future.   

As women, we tend to down play our strong points, sometimes we find they are down-played for us.  We need to learn that as the bringers of life we hold amazing power over our lives.  The Empress also shows that no matter what or physical body is like, we all hold that potential to create, nurture and reap the bounty of those sown seeds.

The Empress is the mother archetype, she not only nurtures the child growing within her, but all that is around her.  She cares for her own, for the earth and everything in it, knowing it is all connected.
  
Loving and caring the Empress embraces all, but she is no martyr to her cause.  She enjoys the good things in life, luxuriance and abundance are evident in her life.  But these things have come from the seeds The Empress has sown, that she has tended and protected.  She is one practical and grounded lady, and the fruits of her harvest are for sharing.  She is a life giver, protector and generous in her love.


There is so much more I could waffle on about regarding The Empress, however I am going to leave it there for now.  I really just wanted to share the beautiful image of Ciro Marchetti's work.  

A Festive Tarot Spread

Feel free to use this spread, if you are using it on a forum or blog or any other website, please link it back to me here.
Many thanks.

I've put together a little seasonal spread for you.  Its been tested out using Legacy of the Divine tarot deck, and seems like it is pretty accurate.

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Feel free to use it, let me know what you think.  All I ask is if it is going onto a blog, forum or any other website, can you please link it back to me here.

Obviously its festive so here are the card position definitions.

Card 1 The Tree, this is your basic 'core', where you sprang from, where your roots are deep.

Card 2 and 3, Your Branches, this is where you have had growth, the lessons you have learned, where you have been developing.

Card 4, The Tree Lights, this is where/what makes you shine.

Card 5, The Baubles, this is what hangs from the branches, subconscious thoughts/underlying issues.

Card 6 The Star At The Top Of The Tree, your hopes/fears.

Card 7, Your Gift Under The Tree, this is something coming your way.  I placed card 7 horizontally to make it neutral 'cos lets face it, nobody wants coal in their Christmas stocking.

I hope you have fun with it.